Happy First Day of Summer (Or Not…)
It’s the first day of summer! It also happens to be my four year wedding anniversary. I was going to write the story of how Allen and I fell in love. Unfortunately, I’ve been feeling kind of down today, and that story is chock full of nostalgia and always makes me cry. So instead, today I’m going to write about unhappiness.
I know, this is a blog about happiness but no one is happy ALL the time. While I try to keep it positive and upbeat, lately I’ve just been feeling bummed out. In my past, I really struggled with anxiety and depression and I can tell you, this is not that. This is just the onset of burn out. This is just me needing to tweak a few things in my life.
Getting to the Root of the Problem
I’ve been fighting this feeling for several months now and I’ve been trying to get to the root of it. What is making me feel sad? Well, for starters, it makes me sad that I get to see my husband so little. I think my feelings of sadness started to increase in April, when Allen started his new job. We literally get to see each other for five minutes a day Monday-Friday. It’s tough. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder because I love him now more than ever. I keep reminding myself that this is just temporary and us working alternate shifts keeps Chase out of daycare.
The second thing that is getting me down is my job. I’m under a lot of new stress at work and it is starting to get to me. I know that is to be expected when you do a huge reorganization and hire in a lot of new folks who apparently never got proper training but still… it is a big source of stress. Finally, the last thing that is contributing to my burnout is that I never get any time just to myself. My husband gets every other Friday while his mom keeps Chase and he also gets two hours a week on Sunday, while we’re at church. I guess I’m jealous of that.
Solving the Problem
I’m not sure how exactly I could solve the problem of my husband’s schedule, other than for me to get a job that pays enough that he can quit work and be a full-time stay-at-home dad. Kidding. Kind of. As for the problem of my job, I have two options: I can tough it out or I can look for another job. I’m torn here because I remember a time when I really loved my job. I try to remind myself that if I tough it out, things will eventually get better. Right? As for time for myself, I guess I will have to start asking for more help.
Today, I actually got sick and left work early. It has been a rough couple weeks and I think the stress really weakened my immune system. I went to the doctor and got shot up with antibiotics. With it being our wedding anniversary, we decided to go out for a quick lunch after I got home from the doctor. Even if I felt like crap, It was nice to get to spend a little time with my guys. By the time we got home, I felt so drained I just wanted to sleep. I felt overwhelmed with the thought of being this sick and having to take care of a wild toddler. I decided to ask for help.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
I’m the person who hates to admit I can’t do it all. But after the week I’ve had at work and being so sick, I just couldn’t do it. On the verge of tears, I called Allen’s mom and asked for help. She came to pick up Chase and he’s spending the night with her tonight. I really needed some rest. After they left and hubs went to work, I took a long nap. I woke up feeling anxious and wanted to cry. Instead, I got up and went for an easy walk in the misty rain. It felt good and I didn’t push myself.
I wanted to just roll over and go back to sleep, but I knew I’d feel better if I went for a walk. I tried to think of things that make me happy while walking. So, I thought about our Bahamas vacation and Chase dancing to his favorite songs. It helped some. I took a long, hot shower and talked to Allen’s mom on the phone for a few minutes. Talking to her always makes me feel better and I am so thankful to have her. Then, I decided to write this post because blogging usually helps me feel better, too.
Share the Good and the Bad
I wanted to share this post to let you guys know that no one is happy all the time. And guess what? That’s OK! I know this will pass. I’m just in a funk but good things will come my way. After all, it’s summer! We have a romantic date night planned for this Saturday and a weekend getaway for the 4th of July. We also have a Gatlinburg trip coming up in the fall, followed by Chase’s second birthday. I have a Bahamas trip to plan for next year and only 500 more days to get in shape! LOL.
That being said, I’m starting a new personal challenge that I’m calling “500 days of fitness!” Starting today, my goal is to exercise a minimum of 15 minutes per day, for the next 500 days. It would have been so easy not to start today, considering I’m sick, but I did it anyway. Even if it’s just an easy walk or some relaxing yoga, 15 minutes a day can make a difference not only in how your body looks but also how you feel. Now, I’m going to go dry my hair and read until bedtime. Tomorrow is another day.