Mommy Moment: What I’ve Learned in my Short Time as a Mom
Oh, my heart! He is eight months old today!
Eight months ago my little ray of sunshine entered into the world. In many ways, my years as a nanny had prepared me. In many other ways, I was still so clueless. So, while this list is meant to be funny… I’m sure many do-gooder sanctimommies will swoop down to tell me what an awful parent I am. Because….
1. EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION ABOUT HOW YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! Omg, I had no idea everyone on planet earth has a flipping doctorate of babyology. Just ask the mommy group. That’s a thing and you’re doing it wrong. Enough already!
2. Q: your kid has 47 toys in his bedroom. 10 are new, 30 were gifts, and 7 you don’t even remember acquiring..which one does he play with?
A: the laundry hamper
3. You are not “mom.” You are food. Every living creature in your house now expects you to provide it with food. Never mind that your husband has two perfectly good hands.
4. EVERYTHING requires batteries.
5. Similarly, everything plays music, makes noise or vibrates. Usually, this happens when you LEAST want it to and NEVER when you do.
6. No matter how well the baby is sleeping, the SECOND a mommy puts a bite of food in her mouth…. WAAAHHH!!
7. Grandparents are MAGIC!
8. I hope you like eating ice cream in the bathroom. Unless you wanna share it, that’s where you’ll be eating it from now on.
9. It doesn’t matter how long you wait for him to “finish,” the second you change that baby’s diaper is the second he’s going to decide to poop!
10. Spit-up will somehow, go everywhere BUT on the burp cloth.
11. Laundry = Baby’s(length*width*height)^47
12. I used to think sling carriers were just for “hippy parents.” Now, I realize they’re just for parents who like using their arms.
13. Your life will NEVER be the same again! It will be so much better!
🙂 can you relate? What would you add to the list? Let me know by commenting below!